What is it about Sundays that make them the day when I am most likely to have a ‘blip’?
I woke up at 6.20 with a killer sore back and neck, so got up pretty quick to see if being up and about would help it. I soon settled into the sofa and as I mentioned last week, once there, it’s sooooo difficult to get up and out of it.
I’m still there, been working myself up to doing something productive for a few hours, and finally logged on here and started typing. I wish I could say it made me feel better. Unfortunately i’m typing on autopilot, no real idea what I am going to say next, just splurging out onto the page.
This isn’t one of those posts where I offer some thoughtful idea on why I feel the way I do, or relate some useful way to get out of the hole. This time i’m sat at the bottom – well to be fair about halfway down I guess, as I am still able to lift my fingers to type.
Sorry folks, will try and come up with somethign better later today, i guess I just wanted to touch base and feel like maybe I have done something positive.
It’s been a week now since I started LLP, and I have to say it has been a good week. The last time I had a serious ‘blip’ as I call my more depressive moments was on Sunday when I realised I hadn’t moved from the sofa for quite a few hours.
I have had a few people comment on my posts, which is something I never expected right in the first week! I hope that I can keep posting interesting stuff for you 🙂
I think that having LLP here to write on has helped me a bit in my day-to day life. I have kept journals of my feelings and behavious before (It’s one of the first things that was suggested to me when I went for councelling many years ago) but they never really workd, possibly because I was the only one going to read them so in my mind there was no need to keep it going, as one of the first and major problems with depression is that your self worth is non existant. So if I was the only one reading it, and I really don’t matter as I have nothing to add, then no point writing in the first place, right?
So, one more week down, and a weekend to look forward to, weather permitting…..I have to go through the whole self motivatino thing tomorrow to get out on the bike in the sunshine, and the challenge for Sunday is to actually spend some of the daylight hours somewhere other than the sofa.
I would just like to quickly thank people for taking the time to comment, it’s really helping me to keep posting.
If there is a bit of a delay between you posting and it appearing, it’s because the first time you ever post a comment I need to ‘approve’ it to fight off the evil spammers, hopefully subsequent comments will appear immediately.
Motivation is a funny thing. SOmetimes you have it, sometimes you don’t. The really fraustrating thing is tht sometimes you don’t have it for something you really want to do!
Earlier this year I decided that I would finally get my full motorbike license. I had wanted to do it many years ago, but never had the free cash available. Now in my mid 30’s I am finding it a little easier to find some spare so went for it, and absolutely loved it (Anyone considering learning to ride a motorbike, do it!!)
I managed to obtain a fantastic deal from my ex-wife on her old bike as she has recently upgraded to a very swish CBR600RR, and I was swiftly the proud owner of a 1997 GSX600F. It’s a sports tourer, and fairly heavey, but a great first big bike and still has enough performance to be downright scary at times.
The point of the post is that I love the bike, and I love biking. It’s a fantastic hobby.
I am finding it really hard to get myself out of the house and onto the bike. I will talk more some other time about how I talk myself round to doing things that I really want to do, but my brain wont let me (strange concept, but some fellow sufferers may understand what I mean). But I am finding that this is what I need to do more and more, whenever I want/need to leave the house pretty much.
It’s not Agoraphobia (need to check the spelling there!) as I love being outdorors in the fresh air. I think it’s more closely linked with people. People in general that is, not specific people. I haven’t quite managed to tie it down yet, and perhaps it isn’t so much people, as being ‘exposed’ in public and nervous about how I appear or come accross to poeple. I need to think about it more and try and work it out I think.
If anyone can relate to this ramble, let me know, and let me know if you have worked out what is stopping you? The first step to getting over a limitation is to understand what that limitation is.
I love rain. Probably a good thing because I live in northern England where we get quite a lot of it! I am currently watching and listending to a really heavy rainshower that has lasted pretty much all day on and off.
There is something about the sound of rain that is just so relaxing. I sleep with my bedroom window open quite often, and am occasionally woken by heavy rainfall, but I never really mind because the sound puts a smile on my face.
I don’t know specifically what it is about the sound, but whether it is rain falling on my patio outside my open window, or bouncing off the window at work like it is right now, or hitting the cover of a tent that I am in, I always welcome it.
This got me thinking about rain and it’s usual connotations in our language. It is quite common to say ‘into every life a little rain must fall’ which is usually interpreted as ‘everyone has a little sadness or difficulty’ which is true, but rain is never sadness to me. It is the opposite actually, if I am having a down day, and I can spend some time watching and listening to the rain, I always feel better, it’s almost magical in it’s ability to improve my mood.
So next time it’s raining cats and dogs, just take a little time to sit quietly and watch it bounce off the ground, or form puddles, or run off a car window. Listen to it, rain is one of natures great sounds the world over and has a power to heal the mind somehow.