Feed the Right Wolf

It’s a hard thing to hear, but we all have the power to be the person we want to be. Believe me I have difficulty believing it too, but it is true. We can all take little steps towards becoming a better me. And that is the key to it, little steps. I have posted before about the importance of taking the first step, this one is more about having the focus to carry on making those little steps until one day you realise that you have walked a hundred miles in steps of just a few feet at a time. Each little step feeds the positive wolf.

This blog itself reminds me of how true this is. Six months ago I was terrified of even picking up a pen, convinced that nothing good would come of it. I was sure that I would be laughed at, that no one would want to read anything I wrote, and that I could never be anything of a writer. It was a blog post that convinced me to try actually. Dumb Little Man had a post on 5 reasons to start a blog and it really got me thinking. I made some little steps :

Step 1 was remembering that I had started this blog so long ago, and let it stagnate.
Step 2 was finding it again, and eventually remembering the log in details!
Step 3 was reading what I had written and discovering that I actually liked it!
Step 4 was opening the “new post” screen
Step 5 was an important one, and not immediately obvious. I didn’t apologise for being away. I carried on as if it was the day after my last post
Step 6 was looking at the stats the next day and seeing that people had actually read what I wrote, and clicked the “like” button.

Each of those tiny little steps was a mouthful for the good wolf. Each time I did something towards becoming a regular writer it felt a little bit better, and I felt a little bit better about myself. OK so I haven’t had an epiphany and become Tony Robbins (I shudder at the thought…) but I can feel the difference between the me I am now and the me I was 6 months ago. Other areas of my life need work too, but I am writing, and that feeds the right wolf.

Excercise is Good for You

When I was first diagnosed in my late teens/early 20’s pretty much the first thing that the Dr asked me was “How much exercise do you get?” and the second was “When you wake up in the morning, what do you do?”. These questions surprised me a little. I was here for my mind, not my body. It turns out that the two are very much linked though…

To be my usual topsy-turvy self, lets take the second one first. One sure way to invite the black dog to spend the day with you is to lie in bed after waking. It’s the perfect time for thoughts to run around in your head. In a person that doesn’t have a mental health issue this is fine, it can help start the day, provide solutions to ideas that you have ‘slept on’, and generally be a nice snuggly lazy way to start the day. For those of us that are unfortunate enough to have depressive tendencies however, it’s very different.

Lying in bed with nothing to do but think is a terrible idea. In a lot of ways, thought is the enemy. Well that’s not quite true. Undirected thought is the enemy. As I have written about before, well focussed thought can be a mindful relief, but that isn’t what happens the first thing in the morning when you have just woken up. Doubts and fears swirl and grow in the quiet dawn. Those nagging little gremlins that can be kept at bay with day-to-day action have no barrier when you are just lying there.

So, some of the best advice I was given very early in my depression ‘career’ was to get up when you wake up. I still do, and I still find it helps

Excercise. The bane of modern urban living. We don’t get enough, I think that is generally accepted. Your average bloke or girl in the street gets half of the aerobic action they need, and that’s being statistically optimistic! We are a world (Meaning the western, plump, rich world) of ageing, fattening people. This aside though, your brain needs exercise too. The same Dr that got me to jump out of bed in the morning also told me to take a hike. Literally. It turns out that one of the best things that you can do yourself with no help at all is just to go for a walk. It can be difficult when you are having a black dog day, but boy does it work when you can manage it. I have lost count of the times where I have managed to drag myself out of the depths with an autumnal stroll. Nothing more than that. No stern talking to myself, no mantra, no yoga (although that would help too), no pills (other than the usual daily ones). Just a stroll.

Breathe the air. Look at the sights and sounds. It doesn’t matter where you live, it could be next to a steel works or an airport but there are still things to see, hear and smell just as if you lived in an idyllic forest. Focus on the external. Let the internal conflict, fear and hatred flow away and wonder at the beauty of the world.

Excercise stimulates the release of chemicals in your brain called endorphins, which contribute to that ‘natural high’ that keen excercisers mention. Swinging your arms and legs shakes out any stiffness, holding your head up and looking around clears your airways and helps with neck and back pain. There are myriad physical reasons to just take a walk. Add those to the mental benefits and it becomes impossible to argue against.

So get out there and take a hike!

Some useful links :

mentalhealth.org on the benefits of excercise
webmd on depression and excercise
helpguide.org has a great page on living with depression. Good general advice here but #4 is particularly relevant here

Life is Balance

It’s been a funny old week.

I have had more success on here already than I ever dreamed I would. I have engaged with some really great people, all of whom I had never even heard of 14 days ago. I have been nominated for an award, and nominated others for the same, scarecly believing that I am in the same league as many other recipients. I had hoped to be able to maybe put up one post a week, and was concerned that I would struggle at that, in fact I have been posting pretty much daily, and have a little bank of ideas to explore in the future.

But…

On the other hand, home life has not been great. I have not been the person and partner I want myself to be. My long suffering other half has had a really draining week. Long hours at work, and then compounded by being up with our 5 year old in the night most nights this week (Which is actually really rare nowadays), and I haven’t stepped up to the plate like I should. I know she doesn’t read this, we discussed it and she wanted me to have an outlet that was completely independant from home (see how thoughtful and caring she is?). She has been exhausted, and yes crabby and irritable, but instead of dealing with that and being assertive and helpful I have retreated into myself even more than usual. I’m sorry darling. I left a note on the kitchen top this morning which hopefully will be received well.

Anyway, that’s all background to the real post this morning. Life is Balance.

As I have said before, I am not a religious person, but I am interested in philosophy and that often takes you into religious territory. One thing I have learned is that a great many belief systems include the idea that all of life and existance itself hinges on balance. The eastern systems like buddhism call it yin and yang which crudely translates as male and female. Buddha himself would advocate the ‘middle way’ which is steering clear of extremes and keeping balance in all things in your life. Wiccans worship the earth mother and some aspect of Herne the Hunter for their male/female aspects. I was a practising solitaire witch for a while in my 20’s and one of the things that drew me to Wicca was this concept. Well, that and goth girls 🙂

Wether it be male/female, light/dark or yin/yang , balance is incredibly important in our lives. Without it we become something less than we are capable of. Look at some extreme examples – the religious extremist of the sort we hear about all to often on the news at the moment has lost all sense of balance. They have no love, only hate. They have no light only dark. They have no feminine creativity, only masculine destructiveness. The opposite can also be true, although it is difficult to think of any specific examples. Too much love and light and trust can be just as destructive as there are those elements in the world that would take advantage. Without that seed of darkness in yourself you cannot see the darkness in others and act accordingly. (hmmm not sure that came across right, I hope you understand what I am getting at?)

So returning to the main point of this post, my week, I am trying to maintain a balanced attitude. I am not letting myself slip into despair because I have been a bad partner. I have recognised it, admitted it, and will try and be better today. Nor am I getting carried away with my success online. I am trying not to sit staring at the stats screen waiting for my next ‘hit’ (Does anyone else do that by the way? :p )

I got the picture at the top of this post from The Yoga of Parenting, a blog that I will be spending some time on I think. Parenting is certainly an area that requires balance, but is very difficult to be balanced with.

Walking No Line – Direction

Tao Te Ching 1:1.

I really like this post on Walking No Line. Life is a journey, none of us know what the destination is, or even if there is one! The best we can do is try to stay on the road.

I think it’s best to try and make your own road as following another’s could lead you away from your true direction, I think for most of us it’s a combination of following and forging your own way.

Anyway, enough of my rambling, check Walking No Line out. 🙂