I want to finish off today with a reblog from Christian Mihai. He is a writer and artist from Romania who I have followed for a few years through his ups and downs. This post about art is insightful. I love it partly because it is based on an Oscar Wilde quote, but also because I think he has “art” nailed just right.
The question for 8th January is “Tell us about a teacher who had a real impact on your life…how is life different today because of them?”
You don’t reach the age of 40 (almost, just a few weeks away…) without having had a crateload of teachers. There were teachers at school and college of course but also so many people in life that could be called teachers.
School is a long way back but there are two teachers that had a huge impact on me for different reasons. My History teacher Mr Klays was one of them. He was a big ex-rugby player of a man with a booming voice and a total passion for his subject. I already knew that I like history, but the way he brought it to life ignited the same passion in me which has stayed with me to this day. I hope and believe it will stay with me for the rest of my life!
The second school teacher’s name I have unfortunately forgotten. It was my English teacher. She was an older lady and has undoubtedly retired by now, hopefully with the drama teacher that she was seeing, a relationship which provided one of the most 0pen secrets in the school 🙂
Her contribution wasn’t quite the same as Mr Klays. I was struggling in English through secondary school. From the age of 11 or so until 14 I just wasn’t interested. I used to mess about in class and often get invited to leave and stand in the corridor. Looking back I can see that this period was the first time that my depression really showed itself. I got into fights, almost got expelled for punching someone through a plate glass window and for fighting in the corridors. She pulled me back.
To my shame I can’t even remember how she did it, much of those days is a bit of a blur. I do remember that it was thanks to her that I turned around and whilst my mental problems didn’t go away, I found a focus in school that allowed me to shine. I turned from a drop out to a “A grade” student almost overnight thanks to her encouragement.
It was in her lessons that I first encountered Shakespear and learned a lot about poetry which I already loved but didn’t really understand. Thanks to her I now write poetry regularly for myself,for my partner, and for a few websites and forums.
Teachers are important. I hope you have some in your life, whatever age you are.
Anyone who has read this blog for a while will know that this is going to be a tricky one. Helplessness is one of the primary presenting feelings for those who suffer with depression. It’s a black hole that sucks you in with quite incredible strength and tenacity.
The last time I felt helpless was….pretty much every day at some point.
If I have a disagreement with my partner I quite often end up in that fugue state between being awake and being asleep where I stare at a wall, or out of the window without really seeing what I am looking at. Helplessness hits me then. It feels like there is nothing I can do to improve anything, like I am trapped in my life, in my head and nothing will get me out. It’s during these times that I often think about how it would feel to be falling from a high building, how it would feel to have a noose tight around my throat, how it would feel to pick the sharpest knife in the drawer and slide it lengthways (not across) my wrist.
So yeah, helplessness is something that I have a regular fight with.
Thankfully this blog helps a little. Being able to write the paragraph above is a huge thing for me, I have no idea if anyone will read it, and even less idea what they will think. If they think I am pathetic, fine. If they think I am trying to get attention, that’s fine too, because it’s not about what other people think.
Thank you 🙂
First of all I would like to say a quick hello and thank you to the new followers to this blog over the last month. It is always a wonderful thing to see someone has hit the follow button, it’s one thing that makes me want to come back and keep writing, so thank you.
The 365 day prompt for 6th January is “What’s the most time you have spent away from your favourite person? Tell us about it”
Personally I think this is a bit of a rubbish one so I am not going to spend much time on it. My favourite person is my parter, htis will be what 99% of people with partners answer this uestion with. The longest we have been apart is 19 years which is the time from her birth until we met in 2000. After that we were apart from 2002 ish until 2010 during which time she got married, had a daughter, got a divorce, and met me again in a totally random but very happy accident.
The next of the 365 day writing prompts is to use the first line of your favourite book as the title for a post. My favourite book is Neuromancer by William Gibson. It’s the book that kickstarted the whole Cyberpunk scene and I believe even coined the phrase. The man is a visionary.
It’s a difficult book at times with lots of new concepts especially the first time you read it, but it’s a dark vision of a future that is already at least partly here.