One comment on “Survivors Guilt

  1. “Now when I think about it I am usually (almost always) glad that I didn’t pick it up on any of those dark mornings…”

    When I was younger I made that attempt. Still have the massive scar. Thank God for His intervention through the care of those around me or I would not have survived. At the time I didn’t understand why that survival mattered or was worth it.

    Today, I have two beautiful little girls, I have worked in the addictions recovery field helping others. I have saved lives in emergencies on more than one occasion. I have had real and deep relationships… None of which I saw as possible when I made the attempt to end it.

    I am still, and will always be, in recovery from my own set of issues. The things that I have done in life don’t always matter to me (when I’m down and the world is a cold ugly place), but I know that without me in it, the world would be different. Without conceit, I know that the world of some others would be lacking. …. Sounds like it is the same for you.

    “…I look at my wonderful partner who I also knew back then although we weren’t together, and I know what she gets out of our relationship now. I look at her daughter, now 5 years old, pretty much the only positive outcome of the relationship she fled several years ago, before we got back together, and I know how much this clever loving girl loves me and our family. I look at my parents with fresh eyes, with love and genuine friendliness that I can’t remember feeling prior to about 5 years ago. I look at this blog, and the wonderful people that have taken time to read it and even comment. I look at the great job I have with really interesting people and enough pay to keep us in a nice house albeit rented.”

    Today is going to be an awesome day. I am going to stop and take in the beauty and richness of the different parts of my life today, and be thankful. Thanks for the reminder of what I could have lost, and what I’ve gained instead.

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